How long the bag lasts

How many bags (not those kinds of bags you scoundrel!) do you have stuffed away under your sink?

I feel like almost every kitchen I’ve ever set foot in has a stash spot stuffed with plastic bags. It’s a cool reflection of gut-instinct recycling - there’s no mandate in place, but perhaps it is simply widespread acknowledgement of “this is pretty much the symbol of climate change and I don't want to shoulder the responsibility for its eventual position in landfill”.

 what must these guys are thinking??? [1millionwomen.com.au]

what must these guys are thinking??? [1millionwomen.com.au]

Is that like our genome, our biology, our very neurology joining the fight against human-induced climate change? Maybe deep down that’s what everyone’s feeling when they say ‘the tide’s turning’?

Or maybe this is just on the one hand, because on the other hand, the amount of people receiving needless plastic bags around Chatswood station is simply staggering to witness. And that’s just what I - one guy - can see!!! Try as I might to convince myself that the world is switching on, it’s exceptionally hard to ignore the masses who propel on in ignorance of a terrifyingly urgent situation.

 yep, landfill = urgent. [gettyimages]

yep, landfill = urgent. [gettyimages]

Gah. Anyway! This post is a list of perhaps-forgotten uses for plastic bags around the house. Step one, however, is to pull all of them out of your stash spot and take inventory. No-one else has to know what the tally is, but you probably should. Ready?

1. Shoes. Do you reek? If you don’t, you actually might, and you just might not know it. In which case a plastic bag will seal your rank foot odour in a wonderfully confined atmosphere of olfactory chaos. Don’t lose friends, bag your shoes (and your feet). Shoes you don’t often wear will also last longer - you’re literally wrapping them in an impermeable cloak that slows their deterioration and preserves their glory (I’m not a sneaker head but I hear its a pretty religious thing).

2. Bowls of food. If you can tie a decent knot, a plastic bag is basically ultra thick glad wrap. Think about it. Plates too, though if you’re like me you probably fill more bowls than plates.

3. Ultra-modular waterproof backpack compartments. Pretty much what they are, right? Long day ahead equals backpack containing bike tools, keepcup, water bottle, book and ipad. Safeguard the potential leakers, protect the book and ipad, and in doing so prepare yourself for the likely impulsive purchase of provisions later in the day for which you do not want to accept new bags. Choice.

4. Lending to a mate! Just try to have one on you, to randomly save someone else the trouble of a new one. Legend!

5. Wax. Melted wax anywhere is the fucking pits. Melted wax in a plastic bag, however, can be peeled like a mandarin to reveal a usable piece of art made by the sun and the air. Voila.

So whilst we wait for ban the bag efforts to genuinely commence, I recommend we remember how genuinely handy a good placcy bag is. What’s a ‘good’ plastic bag sorry? Oi come on, you know what I mean. Your old fresh produce no-handle has infinitely less durability or carrying capacity than your old luxe department-store glossy.

Yeah? #fkjnk